The Endless Day

Have you ever had a day that never seemed to end?  Today is that day.  The day was not filled with turmoil and strife but rather was filled with a deep inner question that the LORD was asking, "Do you trust me?  Do you really trust me? Do you trust that I will take care of you in all things, in all ways?"  I say that I trust and I know that HE orders my days and I know that I know, there is no such thing as coincident in the life of a believer.  Yet, here comes worry and his companion anxiety cropping up their insidious heads....dividing my mind between faith and doubt.

I've been dwelling on Matthew 8:23-24 today, the lesson where Jesus got into the boat with his disciples.  Knowing full well there was a cataclysmic storm brewing, HE intentionally went to sleep.  HE being GOD had no doubts or fears, HE slept.  I have asked myself continually how this applies to me today and this is what I have discovered. 

• JESUS, you have led me into harms way with full knowledge and intent.  The wall is down and I am exposed. There is a gentle whisper in the distance, "I am here, trust me."
• You have allowed the storms of emotion to prevail over me so that I have cried out, SAVE ME! Save me from myself as I can't stop turning around to view the past with all its pain and broken dreams.  There is the whisper again in the distance, "I am here, trust me."

It seems as much as I try to move away from the past hurts, they haunt me.  I want to trust and I want to have faith beyond where I have been.  My beloved JESUS, speak those words of healing in my heart, "I am her, trust me." 

The past is a disaster area or is it?  I am trying something different this time, I am going to choose to see clearly what it is that frightens me so much, but as I turn around and strain to see what it is. . . . all I see are outlines and some shapes that seem somewhat recognizable.  There is a haze, no, a fog which is thickening, and maybe, just maybe it will make the past indistinguishable.  The thought of this, the hope of this, is lifting my spirit even now.

I've been asking myself if I should cast aside these dreams of mine, but HE seems to be saying, "give them to ME."  Like a gardener who lavishes his attention on his precious roses, JESUS wants to gently cultivate and water those dreams so that they will come into full bloom.

Yours always,

Elizabeth Antonnette